they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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