i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
