like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
