just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
