Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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