I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
