Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
