Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
