Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize