hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
