Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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