Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
foreskin is a definite game changer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
