Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
