had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
