I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
