Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
