In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
