For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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