I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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