So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
