I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ugly people sure do ruin things
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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