I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
