If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
