Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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