I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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