The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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