I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
