FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
