Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
