Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
