my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
