Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
