so that wasnt chicken after all
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
