I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
