I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
