hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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