I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
