no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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