You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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