Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
