i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
