Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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