i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
