At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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