Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
