We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
