I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
