She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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