Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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