you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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