Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
