Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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