She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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