ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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