He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
