Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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