Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
