I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
