You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
