Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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