There was a lot of him and a little penis
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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