I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
