Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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