remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
