i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
