i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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