Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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