I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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