walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
