Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
