So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
