ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
