guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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