Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I cockslap morals
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
