no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
