He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
