I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
