True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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