Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
